A True Story
by EvilFuzzy9
Summary: After reaching a landmark like one hundred fics, it is only natural to get roasted by your colleagues. [Self-MST, rated M in a few chapters]
1. Opening Song Number

**A True Story**

An... _Evilfuzzy9 _fanfic...?

By...

...

...well...

_EvilFuzzy9_

(so freaking meta, yo)

* * *

_'Author has written 100 stories for Naruto, Invader Zim, Avatar: Last Airbender, Bible, Metroid, Legend of Zelda, Bleach, Hayate the Combat Butler, Lord of the Rings, Fairy Tail, Harry Potter, Evangelion, Gintama, Corpse Party, Legend of Korra, Fire Emblem, Teen Titans, Red vs. Blue, X-overs, Silmarillion, and Anime X-overs.'_ — my profile on this site, as of my one hundredth fic.

A short-ish, portly man walked onto a stage. He was dressed his best in a fine burgundy tweet jacket and matching dress pants. He was wearing a brand new pair of semi-rectangular glasses with rounded frames, and well-shined black church shoes.

His hair was dark brown, almost black, and it was conspicuously combed only poorly. He had long, slightly uneven sideburns, a modestly bristled mustache, and an unshaven chin. His pasty, computer screen-bleached skin looked a little greasy in the spotlight, and it was pockmarked with mild acne. He did not show his teeth, and his smile was a little weak.

His bloodshot brown eyes were baggy and lined with the ghastly bluish-gray of chronic sleep deprivation. His simultaneously scrawny yet pudgy arms (what little could be seen of them) were covered with hair, and his fingernails were unevenly clipped. If he opened his mouth, you would have seen crooked, yellowing, badly-worn teeth.

"Oy," he said, pitching his voice low to hide the fact that it was high-pitched and nasally. "Who's writing this description? I know I didn't exactly want to present some kind of sickeningly idealized version of myself to the audience, but this is starting to sound like the narrator is just ripping into me for the sake of making me sound as bad as possible."

"I think it's perfectly accurate, _dummkopf!_" came the voice of prototypical tsundere, Asuka Sohryu Langley from somewhere outside the scene.

The man on stage blinked. "Eh?" he said. "Who are you? Asuka? But, I never actually wrote a fic with you... Hell, I've only written one NGE thing _period_, and I never even saw the original show, anyways."

He frowned.

"...of course, I suppose you _are_ fairly cute," he conceded. "I mean, I've seen you in plenty of hentai doujinshi... though a lot of artists tend to greatly exaggerate your bust size, by my understanding..."

Asuka swore virulently in German. "_Sei doch nicht so ein perverses Schwein!_"

The man on stage stuck his tongue out at her, wherever she was. "You're the one who started it," he retorted immaturely.

"And you're a fat pervert," retaliated Asuka.

The man on stage scowled, furrowing his brow irritably. A moment later, the famous redhead appeared on stage, dressed in a _distinctly_ inappropriate bikini.

Her face turned beet red, and she immediately moved her hands to cover herself.

"Argh...! Freak! Pervert! Bastard!" she snarled at the man.

He simply shrugged. "Hey, I'm the author of this," he said. "And I haven't done the self insert thing in forever. But this is a very special occasion, so I'm bending the rules."

Asuka whimpered, shyly removing her hands. Her expression softened. Her glimmered as she looked at him. "Oh... Fuzzy... I never realized how... how _handsome_ you were..." she mewled. "Please... kiss me..."

She walked forward slowly, shyly leaning forward and puckering her lips—

"AHHH! That's not what's happening!" Asuka exclaimed. "I'm not doing any of that. He's just writing it to make it look like I am!"

EvilFuzzy9 afforded himself a smirk at Asuka, who was actually clad in a perfectly conservative yellow sundress. "See?" he said smugly. "You don't screw with the author."

"Tch. Whatever," the redhead muttered irritably. "Don't you have a big fanfiction special to introduce, or whatever?"

Fuzzy blinked. "OH RIGHT!" he said. "I almost forgot about that."

Asuka face-faulted.

"_Dummkopf_..." she muttered under her breath.

Clearing his throat sheepishly, the emcee and author took out a roll of paper. "Well!" he said. "Since this is my hundredth fanfic spectacular, we'll be having quite an assortment of guests! There'll be at least one character from every one of the fandoms I've written for, so this will be quite a long guest list!"

He paused a moment for dramatic effect. Then, in a surprising good bass/tenor singing voice, he proceeded to, well, _sing_.

"_Well, to start things off, why don't you know!  
First come, first serve, guests on my shooooow!_"

He paused to take a deep breath, before continuing.

_"Oh, redhead! Pettan! Asuka, from Neon Genesis Evangelion!  
Tsundere she defines, a psycho-violent anti-Pygmalion!_"

Asuka glared.

"_But next and more importantly, to give this some authority,  
Here's fire-lass Azula, queen of Alpha-Bitch Sorority!  
And with her comes the master pair of ge-ni-us comedical,  
Toph Bei Fong the badass and Sokka the re-me-di-al!_"

"Hey!" shouted Sokka, making his appearance on stage next to Azula and Toph. They were all dressed in their usual garb.

"_Next from anime and manga of shinobi and mega-hype,  
Super-pervert Jiraiya of Obi Wan Kenobi type!  
And don't forget his loudmouth, dumbass, knuckleheaded student guy,  
Naruto the most imprudent, orange-clad Jesus ninja, "Why?"  
Followed up by loner, stoner, ultra-emo-venger-san,  
Sasuke of Uchiha with his super-duper sharingan,  
Plus shrinking violet, moe-blob, oh-so-kawaii Hinata,  
As effective in a battle as a level seven Rattata~!"_

Said characters appeared in a puff of smoke. Sasuke glowered, Hinata blushed, Jiraiya laughed, and Naruto scratched his head, confused.

"_Now alien incompetent, insipid, insane 'vader Zim,  
Plus Gir a retard robot who couldn't win a matchsticks sim,  
Then come Dib and Gaz the Membrane sibling/children/clones?  
Paranoid the big-head and a hate-filled handheld gaming drone."  
_

"Alien? Who is an alien?!" exclared Zim in a grandiose voice. "I am no alieeeen!"

"And my head is NOT BIG!" cried out Dib frustratedly.

"Shut it, billboard brow," grunted Gaz.

"Oh _come on!_ Now we're mixing references?"

"_After these here crazy kids, a heroine of badass rep,  
Despite what anyone might say, never with a dragon slept._"

Samus walked out onto the stage, arms crossed over her chest. She was clad in only her Zero suit, which clung unusually close to her figure.

"Damn perverts," she muttered coldly, her eyes dark.

"_And here to save the princess from pigs and thieves and what-have-you,  
Legendary hero Link, of Courage reborn _n_ times two_,  
_And snarky-alec-dere guide, princess of the lost Twilight_  
_With a figure to set every state from here to Hyrule straight alight._"

Midna smirked, striking a bit of a smug pose. Link took one look at Samus and gave her a playful wink.

The pirate hunter rolled her eyes.

"_And feckless protag harem-bait, Hayate true-dunderhead,_  
_Butler to a mistress who's as much a NEET as he's ill-bred,_  
_Then 'Nom nom' snacking Hamster-chan, Ayumu could it be true?_  
_Your crush still has yet to answer that impassioned 'I love you!'_  
_Plus funny, silly, crazy cuckoolander lass kouhai,_  
_Fumi Hibino the girl whose brain is likely made of pie._"

Ayumu looked depressed at the reminder of her failed love confession. Hayate blinked, confused, smiling uncertainly.

"Ehhh!? Pie?! But what kind...? Is my brain cherry or rhubarb?" was all Fumi had to say.

Ayumu's stomach growled. She blushed.

"_Next on the list's a stalwart dwarf, Gimli grandson of Longbeard Groin,_  
_His friendship with Prince Legolas must surely vex his father, Gloin,_  
_Then Per-e-grin, Mer-i-a-doc, Frodo, Samwise – that's a lot!_  
_This Fellowship has sure become a really damn big melting pot~❤_  
_Plus Gandalf Grey and Aragorn and Legolas and Boromir,_  
_And wretched, sneaking Sme-a-gol by every light source filled with fear._"

"Sssssss," Gollum hissed at Fuzzy, lamplike eyes narrowed into a deathly glare. "Precious killsed the Rakesies dead, but still no tasty fishies for poor Precious to eat. We hateses him, yesss."

"At least you've actually _appeared_ in a fic," was the general sentiment of the Fellowship's collective mutterings. "There's no way the author can use, or _manage_, this many characters."

"_From wizard guild of Fairy Tail comes Dragon Slayer power three,_  
_Gajeel, Natsu Salamander, and ir-re-pres-si-ble Wendy,_  
_And headstrong, The Knight, redhead fashionista Erza the Scarlet,_  
_Discipline and lunacy are hand-in-hand with this starlet.  
__Then throwing in another young and golden wizard power trio, _  
_Harry, Ron, Hermione (plus Samui, Karui, Omoi, yo~!)_  
_Killer Bee and Rubeus – accents, rhyming, O what **fun****!**_  
_This Chara-list is getting rather overlong and tangled, son._"

Ron frowned at Natsu and Erza, as well as Karui.

"Why's he lumping us all together?" said the gangling ginger. "Just because half of us are redheads—"

"I think your math might need double-checking, Ron," Hermione interjected.

"_Now because reaction scenes are really quite, quite hard to write,_  
_When you're loading up with this much guests, it can only lead into a fight,_  
_With lots of scratching, kicking, biting; tons and tons of other things—_  
_My breath is coming to me short, it's getting rather hard to sing._..  
_But do not worry, do not fret, and don't give me that moping stuff,_  
_I can yet soldier on some more... although my throat is getting rough..._"

The assembled guest stars all shared skeptical looks with one another. Some of the ruder ones made some **very** impolite gestures at Fuzzy's back.

"_Noooow... froooom... random, raunchy, rather vulgar shonen manga Gintama,_  
_(Sounds a lot like testicles...) come our very own Yo-ro-zu-ya!_  
_Good-for-nothing, natural-permed, washed-up ronin Gintoki,_  
_A name which bears phonetic semblance to the state of Kentucky,_  
_And aru, aru, Kagura-ru, holy dances, Kagura,_  
_Pretty, filthy-minded thug from Yato-land in Space China,_  
_Then otaku of idol type, a four-eyed samurai trainee,_  
_In every way completely bland, it's Shinpachi the tsukkomi~_"

"Space China, aru?" said Kagura confusedly. "Where's that?"

"Near Yato-land, apparently," drawled Gin-san, lazily picking at a scab inside his nose.

"...I wouldn't have to be throwing punchlines around all the time if the people around me weren't such idiots..." muttered Shinpachi a little darkly.

"_Of Corpse Party my recollections are but yet quite very dim,_  
_Plus I never finished so I'm kinda going on a limb,  
__But I remember master creepster Morishige necrophile,_  
_Something, something, he was rich, plus also weird and kinda vile._"

Nobody appeared.

Not that anyone seemed to notice, or care.

"_Now A:TLA sequel, long in coming, (where is Sokka?) Korra's tale,_  
_As Avatar she's pretty cool, could probably bench press a whale._  
_Although her taste in men may seem a little blandly typical  
__You gotta say with Mako's name, when he's old he should be cool._"

Korra looked uncertain how to react to her introduction. Mako was frowning a tad irritably at Fuzzy.

"How much longer can this possibly go on...?" he muttered.

"I don't think we _wan__t _to know," was Korra's only response.

"_And for the final, finish line, panting, sprinting old heave-ho!_  
_Let's wrap this all right neatly up with one last real long breathless go!  
__For Fire Emblem strategy, Rusky-speaking Gregor merc,_  
_Hitching up with Nowi's really just a pretty bonus perk,_  
_Plus noble Chrom and Lucia, with holy swords they go to war,_  
_Guys with names like Grima are just in places all abhorred._  
_Teen Titans go to victory with Star and Rae, and BB, Cy,_  
_Batman's former protege, Robin is their leader guy,_  
_Teenaged heroes fighting crime, maybe not original,_  
_But it ain't like television was ever really virginal;_  
_Then MJOLNIR-wearing lunatics and idiots, all erratic,_  
_When Red and Blue are your best hope, you really should begin the panic!_  
_Maybe not the best tribute to modern major generals,_  
_But damned if they won't make you laugh, and maybe think, in intervals..._  
_Yet if for Silmarils it is that holy treasure which you seek, _  
_Don't be afraid to stand up tall, or your name to loudly speak,_  
_'Cause Feanor's been made to promise that he sure won't try to bite,_  
_So I say there really is no need to let yourselves be filled with fright!_"

Fuzzy then took one last breath, before promptly collapsing, unconscious. The crowd of guests immediately dispersed, grumbling in annoyance.

Well.

Now that that's over and done with, let's get started with the actual main attraction! :D

What? Who am _I?_

Hah! Haven't you punks ever heard of the legendary Fairy Kyuubi?

...oh, fine. Laugh if you want. But I'll show you! I'll show you all, I say! And then I'LL be the one laughing! HAH!

Chew on _that._

* * *

Fairy Kyuubi Productions proudly presents:

**A Roast of EvilFuzzy9's 20 Earliest Fanfics**

**Part the First:**

Parrotboy the tale of How Sasuke got his Hairstyl

_This is how I think Sasuke got his hairstyle, rated 'cause I don't wanna get sued. Enjoy!_

Sasuke: *scowls* I'm going to hate this, aren't I?

Hinata: Ah... Probably.

_Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 270 - Reviews: 11 - Updated: 6/25/2006 - Published: 6/25/2006 - Sasuke U. - Complete_

Naruto: Eh? What's that?

Jiraiya: Don't worry about it, kid. Just stuff that would go way over your head.

_Parrot-Boy a tale of Sasuke's hairstyle by EvilFuzzy9_

_A/N: This my first fic ,probably a oneshot. But boy was it difficult to upload it. Hope you like it please R&R!_

Jiraiya (Wincing): Wow. That was almost painful to read.

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor do I own Sasuke's ridiculous haircut._

Sasuke: *twitching eye*

_(I am suddenly trampled by Sasuke fangirls )_

Naruto (grumbling): Bah. Why's it always **Sasuke** fangirls...? When's it gonna be MY turn?!

Hinata: *blush*

_ O-on with the show uuh ._

_It was dawn a time when any sane person would be asleep, but 5 year old Sasuke Uchiha is far from sane. "ANIKI WAKE UP I WANNA PWAY WIT YOOOUUU!"_

Sasuke: *second eye starts twitching*

Naruto: *snigger* Haha! You sound like a complete dork!

_"Uuuuhhh… Sasuke lemme sleep" groaned a certain future nuke-nin._

_"Otay" chibi-Sasuke pouted ( random fangirl: Aaaaww )._

Sasuke (muttering): I hate fangirls.

Hinata: Meep. *ducks behind Naruto*

_So after that failed attempt at torturing - I mean playing with Itachi ;he decided to partake of that horrendous atrocity/glorious diversion we call television documentaries._

Hinata: Do we even HAVE television in our world...?

Naruto: Yeah, I think so. I've got a TV in my room, actually. Although I've never used it.

Jiraiya (dismissively): Not much on in the Leaf.

Sasuke: My parents always said that TV rots peoples brains. Which would explain a lot, I suppose.

_Man on tv: The male cockatiel ,to garner attention, has a crest of feathers on its head._

_Struck with inspiration he decides to emulate the cockatiel. After applying a bottle of gel to his cranium he rushes off to pester a certain Itachi Uchiha._

_So a traumatized Itachi decides to exact his revenge on the devil in tan shorts. Little did he realize his new hairstyle would have an almost aphrodisiacal effect on the majority of the Konoha kunoichi._

Naruto: Wait, how would that affect Itachi?

Sasuke: Actually, I think it was supposed to affect ME. It's bad sentence placement.

_ That is the real reason that Sasuke is perpetually harassed by rabid fangirls his lame, parrot-boy, hairstyle, and the reason that Itachi slaughtered the Uchihas._

Jiraiya: Well, that certainly trivializes the many social, political, and ideological factors that all played roles in leading up to the Uchiha Massacre.

Sasuke: *scoffs* And people thought this was _funny?_

Naruto: Yeah, I don't see it.

_Please review don't flame me I know I stink if you disagree please contact me by clicking the purple button and sending me a nice long review._

_FIN JA_

Hinata: ...that's almost depressing.

Sasuke: Maybe in how bad it was.

Naruto: I think that guy needs counseling.

Jiraiya (sotto voce): *side-eyeing Sasuke* And he's not the only one.

Sasuke: *glare* I _heard_ that.

* * *

A/N: This was really ambitious, but dammit all I wanted something _special_ for my entry into the triple digits.

And just in case it wasn't clear: ALL OF THE FICS BEING MST'ed HEREIN ARE MINE.

Also, I decided it would be easier for all if I divided this into twenty parts, as opposed to my original plan of doing it all in ONE BIG PART.

**Updated: **1-27-14

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


	2. Another Day

**[NOTE FROM EDITOR FRANK KNIVES: This section rated unofficially M for vulgar language, just as a precaution.]**

Fairy Kyuubi Productions proudly presents:

**A Roast of EvilFuzzy9's 20 Earliest Fanfics**

**Part the Second:**

Another Day

_A story about nothing in particular. bit o' innuendo. NaruHina' random._

_Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,114 - Reviews: 13 - Updated: 6/26/2006 - Published: 6/26/2006 - Naruto U., Hinata H. - Complete_

Feanor: ..._Why_ was I chosen to review this?

Asuka: Hell if _I _know. You look like an asshole.

Feanor: And you look like a scarcely blossomed mortal trollop.

Asuka: *immediately jumps up and tries to strangle Feanor*

_EF9:Okay here is a new story. Thanks to those who reviewed on Parrotboy, you make me feel all (coughevilcough) fuzzy._

Feanor: ...I feel this be an ominous sign as to the manner of prose we may expect to find within.

Asuka: Ugh. What a lame pun.

_Disclaimer: I own Naruto as much as I own Masashi Kishimoto_

_Drip drip drip. It was raining. Pat pat pat. He was running, running from something terrible. Something terrible, furious, and pink._

Asuka: *snorts* Pansy.

_"NARUTO!" You would think he'd know better by now, but no, he just had to give in to temptation._

_He just had to ask Sakura if she was a natural pinky. _

Feanor: ...Natural... _pinky_...?

_Not the best thing to say during target practice. Now he was dodging a barrage shuriken while his no-good 'sensei' was wasting his time teaching a disinterested Sasuke about the finer points of the opposite sex, whilst said opposite sex (including a ticked-off Tsunade and a furious DEIDARA!) was chasing a giddy Jiraiya and blushing Orochimaru for, well, it's rather obvious for heaven's sake._

Asuka: Wait, what?

Feanor: *wince*

_Naruto slowed down as Sakura finally passed out from exhaustion. It was now lunchtime so everyone's favorite jinchuuriki (no not Gaara, Naruto) decided to go to lunch at Ichiraku._

Feanor: I do not understand. I do not know who _either_ of those people are. Who is Gaara? Who is Naruto? What is Ichiraku? And **what**, praytell, is a _jinchuuriki?_

Asuka: ...you don't get out much, do you?

Feanor: I do not. Spending most all of your days chained away in the darkest depths of the impregnable fortress of Mandos does somewhat make it difficult to get one's hands on a copy of _Shonen Jump_.

Asuka (disbelieving): ...You read _Jump?_

Feanor: Not since _Dragonball_ ended.

_Now today was the birthday of one Hyuuga Hinata, who was being presented with the house specialty (a bowl of ramen with candles in it. Neji: Isn't that a fire haza-. he is then silenced by Ayame. Hiashi: Finally.) When everyone is settled down they find that Hinata has blown out the candles._

Asuka (sarcastically): Wow. What compelling pacing.

_"So daughter-chan, did you make a wish?" inquired Hiashi._

_"Y-yes f-fa-father," she replied._

Feanor: Grow a backbone, child! Cease your whimpering and your stuttering!

Asuka: *inches away from Feanor*

_"What did you wish?" asked Ten-ten._

_"Don't be ridiculous, she OBVIOUSLY wished she was as strong as me!" retorted Hanabi , as if it was the most obvious thing in the world._

Asuka: I'm sorry. _Who_ are you?

Feanor (sarcastically): Clearly an individual of great power and respect.

Asuka: *blink* Did... did you just make a _joke?_

Feanor (sarcastic, again): Noooo, _perish_ the thought.

_"While that would be a smart wish, she no doubt wished to have silky, manageable hair such as mine," said the arrogant-like-there-is-no-tomorrow Neji._

_"Manageable, HA, you have to brush it 1,000 times a day," guffawed Kiba, who, somehow had managed to get ramen everywhere, including the seat of his pants. Don't ask me how, he just did._

_"fhgfcbv,hlkhlghhfrherttksnifkhsiul,"_

Feanor: ...what?

_said Shino, but Kurenai, Kiba, and Mr. Aburame knew what it meant, it was Kikai for: "She clearly wished for me to lay her, which I will gladly do." _

Asuka (hissing):_** What?**_

_Kurenai stood there with her jaw agape, Kiba (again, I don't know how he knew Kikai, he just did) wolf-whistled, Mr.A. dragged Shino home for a tedious, psychologically scarring lecture on 'the birds and the bees'(that would consist mostly of long awkward pauses), and the others just ignored them as per status quo._

Feanor: So... this accomplishes _nothing?_

Asuka: That's pretty much fanfiction in a nutshell.

_"Yosh! She clearly wished for the courage to make the most of her springtime of youth!"_

_"OH LEE!"_

_"GAI-SENSEI!"_

_"LEE!"_

_"GAI-SENSEI!" and they hugged in front of a sun-set, even though it's only noon._

Feanor (staring blankly): ... ... ...what?

Asuka: *drooling a little* Me-_yoww_. The older one actually doesn't look half bad...

Feanor: ... *inches away from Asuka*

_Right then I decided to invoke my mighty author powers (closest I'll ever get to omnipotence) and teleported to the fan-fiction_

Asuka: Wait.

_allowing my body to adapt to this new environment_

Feanor: Wait.

_changing to reflect the power I have in their universe_

Asuka: No. NO FUCKING WAY.

_so I resembled a brown Kyuubi with brown eyes._

Feanor: What in the name of...?

_I then invoked the ultimate power passed on to me by my French heritage._

Asuka: _Gott in himmel_, ANYTHING but this. Christ, no! Not a fucking self-insert! NO!

_I glared, a glare with so much contempt and haughtiness that several angels attempted to commit suicide, 'cept they remembered that they're immortal and can't._

Feanor: What. WHAT. I... I do not even. I cannot. This is... just, **_what?_**

_So they settled for pounding Lee and Gai to a pulp. Satisfied that the morons were silenced I poofed away, content to resume my story._

Asuka: Motherfucking _fuck!_ Jesus H. Christ! Mary mother of Joseph! Shit-pissing cock-mongers!

Feanor (traumatized): Truly, I have seen the face of madness. All is for naught. We exist upon the precipice of chaos in a cold, unfeeling Universe. No just Creator could ever allow this.

Asuka: Wait, wasn't your dad _killed_ by a god?

Feanor: All sanity is an illusion. Reality is but a delusion.

Asuka: *sigh* Why do I always get stuck with the wackjobs?

_"Uuuh, yeah. Well I think Hinata wished for a boyfriend, am I right?" said a winking-like-she-had-pink-eye Ino._

Feanor: Is **no one** going to comment on... whatever that WAS that just happened...?

Asuka: Probably not.

Feanor: ...

_"W-we-well y-yeah s-so-sorta." Said Hinata. Just then, in a hurry to get ramen, one Uzumaki Naruto tripped and landed face-first in Hinata's lap._

Asuka: *twitch*

_But oblivious as ever Naruto just sat up and got out his wallet only to find… "NNOOOO! sniff Gama-chan is dead!" a chibified Naruto sat there looking at his pitifully empty frog purse. Hinata was heart-broken she had to comfort him. So she said the first thing that came into her pretty little stalker head._

_"Naruto if you want we could share my ramen," she was no longer stammering and had a mischievious smirk._

Asuka (sarcastically): Well THAT certainly isn't out of character. No, not at all!

_"Sure okay," said Naruto. So they began slurping up noodles until suddenly… in a clichéd 'The Lady and The Tramp' moment they kissed, I shouldn't have to say how it happened, as for what it was like, well use your imagination you dirty little pervert._

_However as you may have guessed Neji and Hiashi were furious that Naruto would 'dare take advantage of an innocent girl' and Hanabi was jealous that Hinata had kissed Naruto first (yes they both wanted him, Hanabi just never had enough screen-time to show it._

_So the three of them gentle-fisted Naruto to Timbuktu._

Feanor: ...Where?

Asuka: *shrug*

_TEN YEARS LATER IN TIMBUKTU_

_Emperor Naruto was ecstatic, he had finally completed the time-space conciousness injector._

Asuka: ...I don't even know where to _begin_ saying WHAT on this one.

Feanor: I think I started saying it somewhere around "Drip", and just never stopped.

Asuka: Yeah, that sounds about right.

_Why was he working on one and since when was he an emperor? Well when he landed in Timbuktu he landed on their tyrannical dictator squishing him._

_So the natives proclaimed him a god, but he was like 'no' and they were like 'oh'. So then they proclaimed him emperor, and he was like 'okay'._

Asuka: ...okay, that bit was actually kind of witty. Just a little.

Feanor: Now if only it were located in a less terrible story.

_At first he was going to just return to Konoha, but it turned that Hinata got mad and blew everything up, and then he was sad, so he vowed to go back in time and prevent this grave error. It was a lucky thing that Timbuktu was the time travel capital of the world._

Asuka: No, I'm pretty sure it isn't.

Feanor: Is it even a real place?

Asuka: *shrugs* How the fuck should I know?

_So here he is and he pressed a big flashing button and he poofed away._

_TEN YEARS AGO KONOHA_

Asuka: Still a crappy transition.

_There was an unseen flash and future-Naruto's mind was temporarily fused with Naruto, then the whole kiss thing happened, so future-Naruto told Naruto to duck and he did. Then Future-Naruto told Naruto to take Hinata now._

_So Naruto pulled her an embrace, and of course the others had to ruin the moment by asking what Hinata wished for._

Feanor: ...? Didn't they assault him physically before, when he kissed her? Why are they being so nonchalant now?

Asuka: What, you actually looking for _continuity_ in this crap?

Feanor: Ah, yes. My mistake.

_"This," she said._

_"I'm glad I'm with you, Hinata-chan," Naruto said. "You're nice and sweet; nothing like that witch Sakura."_

_"NARUTO!"_

Asuka: What do you bet that's Sakura, right now?

_"Crud."_

_Drip, drip, drip. It was raining. Pat, pat, pat. He was running, running from something terrible. Something terrible, furious, and pink. _

Feanor: Looks like it's her.

Asuka: Called it.

_"NARUTO!" You would think he would know better by now, but no, he just had to give in to temptation._

_Yup, just another day in that madhouse, Konoha._

_Hope you like, please review!_

Asuka: I do not like.

Feanor: And I have _no_ desire to view THAT again.

Asuka: *sighs in relief* At least it's over, though.

Feanor: For_ us_, maybe.

* * *

A/N: _Editor Frank Knives_. XD

**Updated: **1-27-14

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


	3. Invader Naruto

Fairy Kyuubi Productions proudly presents:

**A Roast of EvilFuzzy9's 20 Earliest Fanfics**

**Part the Third:**

Invader Naruto

_Invader Zim is in Naruto's world! Madness ensues and all hell breaks loose. Chapter 5 is up. Fem!DeiNaru, SasuSaku, NaruHina hints. Stupid perverts and traumatized prodigies, oh my!_

Dib: Oh NO. Please don't tell me...

Zim: *runs around screaming* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO _ZIM!_ I WILL NOT ALLOW IT!

Gaz (playing her Gameslave /defaultstateofbeing): Shut up or I'll kill you.

Gir: *joins Zim in running around screaming* WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I LIKE WAFFLES! WILL YOU BE MAH FRIEND, MISTER BIG HEAD? MAKE ME WAFFLES! WEEEAAAAAAHH!

_Crossover - Invader Zim & Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 2,564 - Reviews: 27 - Updated: 7/11/2006 - Published: 6/28/2006 - Zim - Complete_

Dib: Wait. I'm not even listed as a main character? All that suffering, and I didn't even get top billing?!

Gaz (still playing her Gameslave): Why _would_ you? There were only two slots for characters back then. Remember?

Dib: No. Because I have purposely repressed any and all memory of this site. And basically the entire rest of the internet, too.

Gaz (STILL playing her Gameslave): The slash fics?

Dib (haunted): *shudder* That shouldn't even be physically _possible_...

Gaz (okay, just assume that, unless otherwise noted, she is speaking while playing her Gameslave): Wimp.

_INVADER NARUTO._

_An Invader Zim Naruto crossover._

_A/N: I just thought of this and it is completely random. It is rated T for absurd self-inserts, rubber piggies, ramen, gameslaves, uber-sadistic jounin instructors, and nubs of doom._

Gir: I **LIKE** doom!

Zim: As does ZIM. Even if it comes in the form of _nubs_.

_666_

_It was a calm and sunny day of no particular importance in wherever-the-the-heck-it-is-that-Zim-goes-to-school._

Dib: HEY! What about me and Gaz?

Zim: Nobody cares about YOOOOUUU!

_Now to avoid the pointless plot hole filling one would normally have to do with a cross over, I will use what a clever author does at a time like this, I invoke a time-skip, right… now._

Gaz: No, that's what a LAZY author does.

_666_

_Now Zim, Dib, and Gaz are now genin under the tutelage of me, EvilFuzzy9 who will now be referred to as EF9, just 'cause I'm lazy like that… yeah._

Zim: Lazy FOOOOL!

_"Now let me get this straight, we are in an altern-,"_

_"Hai," I said interrupting Dib._

Gir: He's makin' fun of the big head. I LIKE MAKIN FUN OF THE BIG HEAD. :D

Dib: Wait. How did you do that?

_"But wai-," started Dib as he was cut off by Zim._

Zim: ZIM IS VICTORIOUS!

Dib: No, seriously. How did he do that? How did he _say_ that? ...How _would_ you say that? "Colon dee?"

Gaz: Nobody _cares_.

_"And YOU are going to teach us powerful techniques called jutsus, correct?" questioned aforementioned invader._

_"Hai, eventually." I said answering the bug-eyed freak (in this fic Zim won't need to disguise himself, but GIR shall still were his dog-suit for the purpose of future gags)._

Zim: NOOO! Zim is EXPOSED!

_"Hey! How come you didn-,"started Dib but he was cut off by a thoroughly irate Gaz._

_"Shut up, you're annoying," she said._

Gaz: The only accurate part of this fic.

_666_

_EF9: How's that, well, should I continue this or kick it to the curb? Please review and give me your opinion, and I accept flames even though they encourage DarkEvilFuzzy666 shudder and believe me you don't want to encourage HIM._

Dib: I dunno, that depends. Is he a better writer than _you?_

Gir: I WANNA DO THE NEXT CHAPTER! :DDD

Dib: How! How are you doing that?!

_EF9: Hello! I can't believe no one reviewed!_

_DEF666: I can, you're a pathetic excuse for a writer._

Gaz: I _like_ this guy. He says what we're all thinking.

Dib: You do realize that's just the same guy talking to himself, right?

Gaz: Like it's any crazier than the stuff _you_ do. Weirdo.

_EF9: Hey! I resent that! What about another day!_

_DEF666: Ugh, one good submission a writer, does not make._

Zim: I heard that was HORRIBLE.

_EF9: Oi, pardon DarkEvilFuzzy666 he truly is a lousy muse._

Gaz: He's a better muse than you are a writer.

_Meh, anyway, to present the disclaimer is Aburame Shino! applause_

_Shino:…_

_EF9: And there you have it! On with the show_

_Shino:…_

_DEF666: I hate all of you._

_666_

Gaz (sarcastically): Gotta love that six hundred and sixty-six motif. Loser.

_After establishing that they were now cadet ninjas, team 13 have decided to return to there respective homes which had inexplicably gotten transported there. Upon returning home Zim got tackled by a pile of ramen cups._

Zim: GET IT OFF OF MEEEEEE!

_" HI THERE," eagerly shouted the pile._

Gir: HI THERE! :D

Dib: SERIOUSLY! HOW?!

_" Greetings GIR, I assume you retrieved the scrolls," Zim said to the pile._

Zim: Do not speak to the evil _pile!_

_" YUP!" replied the pile as it exploded away to reveal a pitifully misshapen 'dog' holding an orange book in it's arms,_

Dib (scoffing): The dog is arms?

Gir: And then the doggie was arms. I LIKE ARMS!

_which it then dutifully deposited on the floor in front of it's master._

_"Hmmm, interesting," said Zim as he opened the book to see a faded message on the inside of the cover. The only words he could make out were 'student', 'present', 'insperation', and something about bullets and spirals. It was signed with a disturbingly happy frog on the bottom._

Dib: Why are all of these things in your home, Zim?

Zim: DO NOT ASK ZIM SUCH TRIVIAL QUESTIONS!

_"Meh," and he tossed it aside… where it was caught by a pale individual with lavender eyes and violet hair, who then turned beet red upon glancing at the cover._

_"Meep!" went one Hyuuga Hinata._

_"Huh," went Kurenai as she read the title 'Icha Icha Paradise: Of Hungry Foxes, Cherry Trees, And Pools Of Lavender'. "Oi," she went, as she sweat dropped at the cheesy title._

_"Hey, what's with the green dog?" asked Kiba._

Dib: Why does nobody else notice these things?

_"Arf,"_

_"Hai,_

Gaz: Yes, hello? You sound like an idiot. Stop it.

_Akamaru, it does smell like Naruto. Hmm... weird."_

_'Naruto, huh? He must be the one who GIR got that odd book from,' thought Zim. Who was unaware of a certain bug user look him up and down witha slight blush on his concealed face._

_' Wow he's cute,' Shino thought. (A/N: No this is not yaoi, I just thought it would be funny since Zim kinda looks like abug, yeah.)_

Zim: I am no bug! I AM ZIM!

_"I WANNA WATCH THE MONKEY," GIR shouted, staring at Kiba._

_'Amazing' thought Kurenai, ' that dog is dumber than Kiba.' She then looked over to see Akamaru sniffing himself((1)) and Kiba doing likewise, 'then again, maybe not' as she sweat dropped._

Gaz: Boys are disgusting.

_THUD " W-wh-who's a-at th-the d-d-d-door?" asked a shaken Hinata. The door swung open to reveal..._

_EF9: HA! A cliff hanger... I'm so evil. _

Zim: NOT AS EVIL AS ZIIIIIIIIIM!

_Well please review I need to know what you people think. Tell me if you think if Ishould continue this fic and hope I can salvage what could be a good idea. Or if I should let it go to join the other lost ideas in the grave yard of my mind. And yes, I know my first chapter stunk, which is why I'm going to put this on hiatus until I have enough reviews to know what the public wants._

_TTFN!_

Dib: I say it should've gone to the graveyard.

Gaz: Along with your head.

Dib: My head is NOT BIG! Why does everybody keep saying that?!

_Fairy Kyuubi: Well, this is a crossover?_

_EF9:Hai_

_Fairy Kyuubi: And I am just a muse? I can't be subjected to cruel gimmicks?_

_EF9: Pretty much._

_Fairy Kyuubi: Fair enough. EF9 doesn't own me, Naruto, or Invader Zim._

Dib (muttering): Thank goodness for small mercies.

_EF9: Right, all credit for Fairy Kyuubi Goes to LackOfName._

_DOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOO_

_As Dib and Gaz got to their house, a small explosion, followed by a loud cry of "DYNAMIC ENTRY TIMES FOUR!"_

Zim: ...Foolish human. He forgot to finish his sentence.

Dib: Are you finally done chewing on the scenery, then?

Zim: NEVER! I AM ZIM! MWAHAHAHAHAAA!

_There in the clearing smoke stood four figures, who, by Dib's reckoning, were a blind girl ((1)), a Star Wars fanatic ((2)), and two … things._

Gir: Ooh! Ooh! Imma thing! Is it me? It's me, isn't it!

Gaz (sotto voce): *side-eyes Gir* Weirdo.

_As Dib was staring and Gaz was… being Gaz, yeah,_

Dib: You mean playing videogames and being a horrible little sister?

Gaz:*punches Dib in the arm*

Dib: OW!

_Thing1 spoke._

_"Greetings, new shinobi of the leaf. By how cool you and hip you are acting I can see that you are exemplary examples of the fiery spirit of the springtime of youth!"_

_"Gai-sensei you are so youthful and hip!_

_"LEE!"_

Dib: Oh no. Not THAT. Hasn't he overused that enough?

_"GAI-SENSEI!"_

_"LEE!"_

Zim: Apparently NOT!

_"GAI-SENSEI!"_

_"Shut. Up." Said Gaz in an eerily low voice._

Gaz: Hmph. That's actually accurate.

_And Dib was shaking in his Mysterious Mysteries brand boots._

Dib: Sheesh. What's this guy HAVE against me? I'm the protagonist!

Zim: No! ZIM IS THE PROTAGONIST! Stupid _Dib_ boy. My NAME is in the TITLE!

Dib (muttering): By that logic, Sauron would be the main character of the Lord of the Rings.

Gaz: *scoff* _Nerd_.

_( Gulp I think we should leave them there for a couple hours._

_DOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOO_

Gir squealed metallically. "I'M GONNA SING THE DOOM SONG! :DDD"

Zim and Gaz leveled simultaneous glares at the robot. "**No.**"

Dib's eyes bugged out, and she screamed in frustration. "HOW. IS. HE. DOING THAT?!"

_Naruto: So… we are supposed to occupy the readers with some kind of spur of the moment sketch?_

_Chouji: Yup. That's what the boss said._

_Ino: Shika, dear((3)), how do you think I look in this dress._

Dib shuddered. "Man, there is _so much_ wrong with that..." A pause. "Wait, when did the format of our comments change?"

Kagura popped in from the set where she and her fellow Odd Jobbers were doing their own commentary.

"When the author decided it would help to differentiate between the story and you, aru," she said matter-of-factly.

_Shikamaru: Troublesome woman._

_Sakura: SASUKE-KUN! You look hot! Would you like me to fan you?_

_Sasuke: You want to fan an Uchiha((4))?_

"...this is just one horrible pun after another, isn't it?" muttered Gaz darkly, the buttons of her Gameslave clicking furiously as she played.

_Itachi: Hahaha. Foolish nii-san._

_Kisame: Yeah what Itachi said._

_Sasori: Hey, Deidara, want some shark-fin soup?_

_Deidara: No, yeah. Hey! points at Naruto Who is the hottie?_

_Zetsu: Eye twitches_

Zim clapped hands to the side of his head, screaming in frustration. "YOUR INFERIOR EARTH HUMOR INFURIATES ME!"

"No, this is just bad humor," interjected Dib. "Period."

_Tobi: OBITOBITOBITO! Tobi is a big fan of Itachi((5))!_

"That was just a lucky guess," scoffed Gaz.

"Well, it was a pretty popular fan-theory around that time..." said Dib with a shrug.

"It was a stupid twist."

_Itachi: You're in._

_AL: Itachi you weasel((6))! Nobody joins without my permission!_

_Everyone:sweatdrop_

"I LIKE SWEATDROPS!"

"Shut up, Gir."

_Kakashi: Yo._

_Sakura and Naruto: YOU'RE LATE, THE SKETCH IS ALREADY OVER!_

Dib shook his head. "_Already?_" he parroted disbelievingly. "There was more content in that 'sketch' than in the actual chapter!"

"And it was all terrible," drawled Gaz.

"Well, _yeah_."

_Fairy Kyuubi: Review or I'll gouge your eyes out with Mr. Sporky._

_EF9: Okay. sweatdrop and laugh nervously while backing away slowly_

_((1)) Neji's byakugan makes him look blind and the long silky hair is girly._

_((2)) The buns make her look like Leiah (sp?)_

_((3)) Shika means deer, it's a pun._

_((4)) Uchiha means fan, once again it's a pun._

_((5)) Many believe that Tobi is Uchiha Obito, now look at 4._

_((6)) Itachi means weasel, yet another translation pun!_

"Egads, did the author actual think those were _clever?_" Dib said. "I feel dirty just reading it."

"At least we're not the ones doing the _porn_," muttered Zim.

Dib shivered.

"Thank heaven for small mercies."

_Nibi(Two Tailed Cat if you don't know): Why am I here?_

Gir ran around in circles. "WEEEYYAAAAAH! IT'S THE NEXT CHAPTER!"

Dib sighed longsufferingly. "Do you really have to do all of these in a row? Those other guys got off lucky with the oneshots. But this is a multi-chapter story!"

"I think it needs to have **plot** before you can call it a story," said Gaz.

"Oh, yeah. Fair enough," said Dib. "It still sucks, though."

_DEF666: Oh, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't expect everything to be as accommodating as the Akastuki demon extraction chamber. (Note the sarcasm.)_

"Did they really need parentheses for that?" mused Zim. "You'd think the sarcasm would be IMPLIED!"

_Kyuubi: Hey, cutie. How's about you and me go out on the town, baby?_

_DEF666: Sorry, I don't swing that way. Nothing personal._

_Kyuubi: I was talking to the lady da-_

"Yeah. REAL classy humor, here," drawled Dib, eyes half-lidded.

_EF9: (dropping from ceiling) Can it, light bulb butt._

Gaz snorted. "Gee, that was almost clever."

"So it was probably stolen from someone else," muttered Dib.

_Nibi: Where were you?_

_EF9: Is that the kind of greeting I get? After going through seven levels of Hades to get the plot for this chapter?_

_Shukaku: (Appearing out of thick air because he says 'thin air' is soo clichéd Thank Sir Chris for that line) What are you talking about? You just built off of a suggestion in a review from some guy. (GOMEN NASAI! I can't remember your name! Bad me! Bad!)_

"And he couldn't even bother to look it up? You humans DISGUST ME with your **laaazineeeess!**"

"And more joke theft," remarked Dib. "Terribly done, AND badly cited all at once. Truly, this man is the _Hemingway_ of his generation."

_EF9: (Doing an adorable chibi-pout) Just shut up and say the disclaimer._

Gaz shuddered. "Was he EVER adorable?"

Dib shrugged. "I dunno. How old was he when he wrote this? It was probably before he started growing that mustache..."

"Maybe, but _adorable?_" Gaz shook her head. "Bleah. I feel like I'm gonna barf."

_Shukaku: EvilFuzzy9 does not own 'Invader Zim', 'Naruto', or Fairy Kyuubi._

_EF9: (Going all 'anime-depression') Great, now I'm depressed. Excuse while I curl up and die._

_DEF666: OOH! Can I join you?_

_Kyuubi: (Grabbing me by the collar) Oh no you don't. You need to stay here and type the story._

_EF9: Aww… you take the fun out of everything._

"Again with the overly long disclaimers," said Dib. "That is really starting to get on my nerves."

_(With team 8 at Zim's house.)_

_When Kiba, Shino, Hinata, and Kurenai turned to the door they saw a green blur shoot out the door; knocking over team 10._

_"Yo." Greeted Asuma._

Gir: WHEEEEEEEEE!

Zim: That scene was POINTLESS! *shakes fist*

_DOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOOMDOO_

_Zim collided with a certain flustered fox-boy, (three guesses who and the first two don't count) causing him to drop a letter smelling heavily of cheap cologne._

_"Naruto, hand over the note so that I can finish delivering it for my 'friend'," Sasuke threatened, in the cold, rarely emotional tone he always uses, because as the Uchiha prodigy he had to keep his cool. No not even this was worth raising his voice more than a decibel higher._

Dib: *scoffs* Thinks he's so much better than everyone else.

Gaz: I don't know, I thought he was cute.

Dib: *stares uncomprehendingly at Gaz*

_"Not on your life lover-boy," Naruto said emphasizing these two words like they were the secret of the universe, and to the general public they would be treated as such. For the village's problem-child, Naruto Uzumaki, who bore the unspoken burden((1)) like it was nothing (which to him it probably was, this idea of course only scared all those old enough to remember __**IT**__((2)), even more.), was inferring that Sasuke, THE Sasuke Uchiha, the villages prize duck-butt-head, actually feelings about another human other than hatred or extreme dislike!_

Gir: I's got FEELINGS TOO! LET'S ALL SING THE FEELINGS SONG!

All (minus Gir): **NO.**

_Zim, of course, was getting annoyed at there_

Dib: THEIR. It's THEIR, not THERE. HOW HARD IS THAT TO GET STRAIGHT?

_immature behavior, so he did the only rational thing. He smacked them upside the head and told them to shut up or else he would disembowel them and crushing all of their fingers and toes with thumbscrews._

Zim: I AM ZIM! NO MERCY TO THE _HYOOOOMANZ!_

_Well okay, rational to him._

_Sakura who had been watching this exchange of particularly volatile threats and insults; sweat-dropped, anime-fainted, developed an uncontrollable twitch and tic in her left eye, turned green, and fainted for real, in that order._

_"Wow, I haven't seen Sasuke that scared since I tricked Naruto into thinking that Sasuke was hiding a coupon for a life-time supply of miso ramen in his kunai pouch."_

Dib: That WOULD be pretty traumatizing... *shudders*

_"Wait that was you!" Sakura pointed an accusing finger at their ever-late sensei. "Sasuke had to go to therapy for months after that!"_

_"Actually, he's still going." Pointed out the masked scarecrow curving his visible eye upwards like he found it funny, which he probably did._

Gaz: I know **I** find it funny.

Dib: That's because you're a sadist.

Zim: *shudders*

_Sasuke, meanwhile, rolled himself into fetal position in a corner, complete with rocking back and forth, and alternately sucking his thumb and chanting 'The crazy can't get me, the crazy can't get me' etc._

_As this was happening, a blue haired Konoha kunoichi and everyone's favorite, seemingly androgenous, AWOL iwa-nin were watching (With heart-eyes, nose-bleeds, drool hanging from their mouths, and a pink background with sparkles a sakura petals.) Naruto. Who was now on the side chatting animatedly about various bloodline-limits of the leaf village with Zim and GIR, who was in tape-recorder mode._

Zim: I gained MUCH useful information that day... *evil laugh* WHO KNEW THE SHARINGAN'S WEAKNESS WAS _PEANUT BUTTER? _MWAHAHAHAAAA!

Dib: Uhhh. Somehow, I sincerely doubt the veracity of that.

Zim: *stares blankly at Dib* Bwuh?

Dib: He was probably just pulling your leg.

Zim: PREPOSTEROUS! NOBODY PULLS THE LEGS OF **ZIIIIIIM!**

_'Now let us check up on the membranes.' Gaz was once again playing her game-slave, Dib was doing as Sasuke, and was sitting in the corner, looking thoroughly traumatized, Thing1 and Thing2 were on the ground, in a mangled smoking heap, and Neji and Tenten were having a conversation. Or more accurately Tenten was energetically and enthusiastically, narrating and reenacting her most recent spar with Lee (during the process of which she accidentally spilt a glass of water, Grovel you perverts, grovel_

Gaz: *twitch*

_but she just ignored it , not even noticing Neji activate his byakugan half-way through.)_

_Speaking of Neji, he was standing there, with bits of toilet paper up his nose and much more than little drool running down his chin. He even asked Tenten to turn a bit.((3))_

Gaz: *twitches a little more*

Dib: *inches away from Gaz*

_After a bit more of this idiocy, professor Membrane walked through the door, and kicked them out of his house._

Dib: That sounds like dad, alright.

_EF9: Well, there's another chapter for ya._

_Nibi: Review…_

_Shukaku: Or…_

_DEF666: Else!_

"NEVER!" shouted Zim defiantly.

Gaz smacked him on the back of the head.

"OW! MY SQUEEDILY-SPOOTCH!"

_Fairy Kyuubi: For those who do review… COOKIES! And blackmail photos/ fan-girl collectibles of Sasuke from Ocarina of Konoha by LackOfName read to learn more, yeah!_

"I want cookies!" squealed Gir hyperactively.

Dib looked down the page.

"Oh, good. It's finally the last chapter of this mess," he said with a relieved sigh.

_EF9:Hello there! Faithful viewers! I am here with another installment of Invader Naruto! I've decided to try something new this chapter, dialogue will be in script format, while I will write normal for action scenes and descriptions!_

"...oh, right. This was the chapter that kicked off Fuzzy's brief obsession with **script format**." Dib sighed longsufferingly. "Well, at least it will soon be over."

_Kyuubi: And with the disclaimer we have Maito Gai!_

_Gai:(foaming at mouth) YOOUUUUTTTHHHHH!_

"And none too soon, from the looks of it," drawled Gaz.

_Kyuubi: Now on with_

"THE!" Gir shouted randomly.

_sorry excuse for a story!_

_EF9: Hey!_

_000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000_

_The next day in the hokage's office there were four figures, three of which were engaged in the traditional round of 'glare-at-the-others-until-I-prove-I'm-better-than-them'. They were Red (one of the tallest), Purple (the other Tallest),_

"Hey, didn't I destroy their battleship?" murmured Dib.

"YAHTZEE!" squealed Gir.

_Tsunade (please don't say you don't know who that is), and Shizune (the one with the pig)._

"PIGGEEHHH!"

Gaz focused on her Gameslave, stubbornly resisting the urge to scrap a certain obnoxious robot.

_Red: (Glare)_

_Purple: (Glare)_

_Tsunade: (Glare)_

_Shizune: (Whimper)_

_Tonton: (Squeal!)_

"Truly a battle of monumental wits," muttered Dib sarcastically.

Zim jumped on his rival's head.

"DO NOT INSULT THE **TALLEST!**" he shouted, tearing out clumps of Dib's hair.

"OW! OW! Owowow! Ouch! Stop that!" shouted Dib, running around and trying to dislodge Zim from his cranium.

Gaz punched him in the gut, making him topple down to the ground.

_Suddenly the door crumbled, and there stood two very short figures._

_Red: (Twitch)_

_Purple: No!_

_Tsunade: What the f-_

"Language," said Gaz dryly.

_Shizune: (clamping Tsunade's mouth shut) No! You have company!_

_Zim: I AM ZIM!_

"No! **I** AM ZIM!" shouted Zim.

The palm of Dib's hand became intimately acquainted with his face.

_Tonton: Squeal!_

_Tenten: MOM!_

"DADDY!" shouted Gir.

_Dib: What on earth!_

_GIR: PIGGY!_

_GIR then runs off with Tenten, chanting 'PIGGY' all the way._

"...okay, that was actually almost _close_ to being genuinely funny," said Dib. "**Almost**."

_Everyone (except Gaz because she's busy playing videogames): (Sweat-drop)_

_Tonton: Squeal. (translated: that girl scares me.)_

"As I should," muttered Gaz, not even glancing up from her Gameslave.

_Me (EF9): KAWAII! (Start playing with Tonton 'cause pigs are cool((1)))_

_After that Tsunade told everyone to get the hell out of her office. Once everyone was off to have a day filled with… well filler adventures, Tsunade, Shizune, Tonton, Red, Purple, and Shikamaru((2)) continued the meeting doing political leader-type things (consisting mostly of naps, sake-breaks, games of connect-four, and inappropriate comments from Jiraiya who kept popping in and out.)_

"The government in a nutjob, everybody," drawled Dib. He paused. "Nut**shell**. I meant nutSHELL."

"Suuuuure you did," said Gaz, rolling her eyes. Under her breath, she muttered, "_Nutjob._"

_As for the others: Teams 8, 13, and team Gai trained. Deidara and Hinata stalked Naruto, who they followed into an alley. Naruto ran from his creepy stalker and stumbled in on Sasuke and Sakura who were half-naked and in a compromising position (Sasuke: Hey, I have Hormones too!), Naruto later made several visits to the therapist. Kiba disappeared while helping his sister shop. And Shino visited a convenience store where he was seen purchasing several cans of raid._

_What will happen next? Review my story and tell me things you may like to see in a sequel. Yes Invader Naruto is finished… BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE DONE YET! Me and Kyuubi will make this a series and go as long as we can with this!_

"By which he of course means one other thing that doesn't even make it to five thousand words before sputtering out and dying," muttered Dib.

"That's still almost twice as long as this one, though," commented Zim. "At least WE don't have to do it!"

"Yeah," said Gaz, "I almost feel sorry for whoever will have to do _that_."

_Kyuubi: So R and R!_

_EF9: Tell me what you want and I'll try to deliver!_

_Kyuubi: GRAAGH! (Brandishes spork a random passerby) POSTMAN!_

_Postman: Shut up twinkle-toes._

_Kyuubi:__** OH! IT IS ON LITTLE MAN!**_

_TTFN! (Postman: Not the face!)_

"THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!" squealed Gir. "WAAAAAAAA-HOOO-HOOO-HEEEAAAA!"

* * *

A/N: Gir is actually a really annoying character to write. Also this is the third and last of the ones I had already finished prior to posting. The rest will likely be put up as they are finished.

**Updated: **1-27-14

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


	4. Another Saturday

Fairy Kyuubi Productions proudly presents:

**A Roast of EvilFuzzy9's 20 Earliest Fanfics**

**Part the Fourth:**

Another Saturday

_Sequel to Another Day. NaruHina with hints of SasuSaku. Shino has vanished and now only the twelve disciples the rookie nine plus team Gai can find him! Chapter 7 is up. Complete._

_Naruto - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 4,841 - Reviews: 16 - Updated: 8/28/2006 - Published: 7/2/2006 - Naruto U., Hinata H. - Complete_

Robin: All right, Titans. We're here to review this... fan-_fiction?_ Is that really a thing?

Cyborg: *laughs* Ahahaha! Oh, man, you have NO idea, do you...?

Beast Boy: Dude, they are going to eat you **alive**.

Robin: Umm...

Beast Boy: _**ALIVE**_, dude.

_EF9: The idea for this story came out of the blue,_

_I think it's good how about you?_

"I think it's drivel, actually," said Raven.

"But friend Raven, we have not even begun to read it, yet!" said Starfire.

"Yeah. Just trust me on this one," muttered Rae.

_DEF666: Every review goes to fund the Disclaimers For Morons Foundation "Supplying clever ways to disclaim possession to uncreative authors", so please review so that we may continue entertaining you with disclaimers. Speak of the devil._

_EF9: I am to possession of 'Naruto', as Jiraiya is to possession of a girlfriend, yeah._

"Or BB," said Cyborg wryly.

"Oh, shut up," muttered the changeling peevishly.

_Jiraiya: That hurts to be used in a parallel like that you know._

_Naruto: Hush, the story is starting!_

"Joy of joys," deadpanned Raven.

_Saturday night finds the members of team 10 at the training grounds, well two thirds of the team, any ways._

_"OI,SHINO!" shouted an irate Kiba._

Robin: Tsk, tsk. That's just sloppy. Didn't the author proofread his work?

Beast Boy: *laughs*

Cyborg: *laughs*

Raven: *snickers*

Starfire (concerned): Um, I am beginning to have the bad feelings about this, Robin...

Robin: ...yeah. So am I.

_"Arf!"_

_"Grrr, when I find Shino I'm gonna gentle-fist him to Timbuktu!"_

Cyborg: Whoa. That's one feisty little lady.

Beast Boy: Dude, what? Man, Hinata's supposed to be all moe!

Raven: *side-eyes BB*

Beast Boy: *blushes, scratches the back of his neck sheepishly* Well, you know...

_"…"_

_"whimper."_

_"Uuuh… gomen Kiba-san," Hinata said as she momentarily reverted to her nervous habit of twiddling her fingers (Go read my story 'Another Day' if your confused I made it so those events got rid of her nervous habits so that you know that, the way I'm writing her is not ooc, but rather the result of non-canon character development.)_

Starfire: I am confused. Why is she including the Japanese in her sentences?

Cyborg: I think they're called weaboos...

_Now you may find yourself wondering why they are at the training grounds on a Saturday night. Well it was in the memo, deal with it! Hinata had arrived first followed by Akamaru and Kiba four minutes later. Which was odd because Shino was always at the meeting grounds so early you'd swear he slept there._

_Let's leave them there for a bit. WHACK_

Raven: That certainly wasn't a jarring or poorly placed transition.

Robin: *furrows brow* This writing isn't even remotely professional.

Beast Boy: *laughs*

_"NARUTO! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE AT YOUR HOUSE!" Sakura fumed._

_"Since when are you the boss of me?" asked Naruto sticking out his tongue._

Raven: Since you were a complete ignoramus, whereas she was marginally less so?

Cyborg: That's cold, Rae. *chortles* I **love** it! Haha!

_Sakura, having composed herself, replied, "Sasuke-kun told me you would be at your house. Right Sasuke darling?"_

_"Hn." The classic Uchiha response once again making you wonder if he knows any words that aren't insults or 'I will kill my brother and revive my clan'._

Robin: I don't get it.

Starfire: Nor do I. Is this one of the _puns_?

Beast Boy: Yeah, you kinda have to know the source material with fanfiction.

Cyborg: It WAS actually a little funny...

Raven (dryly): That's just _your_ opinion.

_EF9: Well how's that for a first chapter? By the way, this is kind of a sequel to 'Another Day', I guess. Review! The more reviews I get the faster I'll update! Sooo… REVIEW! DEIDARA, NARUTO, HINATA, SHIKAMARU, AND ITACHI((1)) COMMAND YOU!_

_((1)): My five favorite characters!_

Beast Boy: That... is a really typical line up for that time frame.

Cyborg: Tell me about it.

_EF9: Okay the next chapter of Another Saturday!_

_Kyuubi: Your finally updating this?_

"_You're_," muttered Raven.

_EF9: Hai. I now know that people like it. So, you fans of this story, thank Atari Atagshi-chan, who convinced me to continue, by reading The D Files. After you read and review this of course._

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_Now with Shino. He woke up in a dark musty smelling place. Suddenly, his attention was drawn to slight noise. So he turned to face his apparent captor._

_Shino: What do you want with me?_

"Oh. Great," sighed Cyborg. "It's all script format from here on out."

Raven twitched.

_The mysterious figure steps out from shadows revealing itself to be… Itachi Uchiha._

_Itachi: Ha! Are you so ignorant! Don't you realize that the reason you have been shunned your entire life, why they fear you?((1))_

"Because of his BO?" guessed Beast Boy.

_Shino: Because of my pact with the destruction bugs, I mean not many people can relax around you when you host a small army of beetles._

"That... actually sounds kind of logical," said Robin.

"Just wait," sighed Raven.

_Itachi: No, foolish not-brother, it is because you house the No-Tailed Beetle!_

_Shino:…Are you sick in the head?_

"A valid question," said Cyborg.

_Itachi: That is beside the point, you are here so that may extract your demon for reasons not yet revealed!_

_As Itachi laughed maniacally, Deidara walked in with a priceless expression on her face._

Beast Boy blinked. "Wait. Her?"

"Aw, man," said Cyborg. "I think this is back when the author still insisted that Deidara was a female..."

_Deidara: Itachi… what the hell are you doing? Did you abduct another random person?_

_Itachi (Looking shifty-eyed):… Uh… maaayyybe._

"_I certainly didn't kidnap a prostitute to have my way with her,_" muttered Robin under his breath.

Starfire giggled.

_Deidara (With a twitchy eye): Gah! YOU ARE SUCH A MORON! AL-SAMA IS GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN HE FINDS OUT!_

_Itachi: What's with you?_

_Deidara: I just saw your partner. He. Was. Wearing. A. Frilly. Pink. Dress._

"Wait, isn't his partner the big blue shark dude?" said Cy.

"Yep," said Beast Boy, looking a little greener than usual.

Star grimaced. "I do not like the dresses with the frills and the pink..." she muttered, eyes glowing.

"Ugh, tell me about it," muttered Raven.

_Itachi: So?_

_Deidara: Are you kidding? I'm more traumatized than when I met Sasori!_

_FLASHBACK (Groovy!)_

"What is this, the seventies?" said Beast Boy.

_A young Deidara in a green skirt camo-patterned tank-top and brown combat boots, was being escorted through a brightly lit cavern by Orochimaru in a leisure suit (complete with white pants and a rhinestone vest) when they stopped in front of a door._

_Orochimaru: Now, your new partner should be through the door. I must protect my title as the lord of the dance._

_Orochimaru then walked over to a dance floor, complete with a disco ball up above, and 'YMCA' blasting from the speakerphones. Twas psychedelic man. _

"OH GOD I WAS JUST JOKING!" BB wailed, turning into a monkey and clapping his hands to his face.

"What is he, one of the village people?" drawled Cyborg.

Starfire clapped her hands together.

"This music is delightful!" she cheered.

_Orochimaru: So, you are the peon who dares challenge me? I am the Lord of the dance, King of the ring, The Groove-Jam MASTER!_

"...what?" said Robin.

"I dunno, I thought it was funny," said Raven.

The others eyed her disbelievingly.

_The person he is talking to turns around revealing himself to be Itachi Uchiha! In an ensemble consisting of black bellbottom pants with red clouds, blue platform shoes embroidered with the Uchiha emblem, an open leather vest draped over his shoulders, and his hair in a mullet. ( Fan girls: Drool.)_

"I know the pain," sighed Robin, shivering a little. "_Fangirls_. Ugh."

_Itachi (Glaring at him with the trademark Itachi I'm-obviously-sexier-stonger-and-smarter-than-you-and-I-don't-care-what-you-do-you'll-never-be-better-than-me smirk): Hn._

"That seems like a very specific expression," commented Starfire.

"Goes with his _I'm-gonna-do-what-I-want-because-I'm-a-super-genius-and-obviously-know-better-than-everyone-else-so-I-don't-need-help-from-YOU_ look," Cy drawled.

_Orochimaru: Ah I see you are well versed in the ways of the cool. But no matter, the only person to ever out-boogie me was the Fourth Hokage, and you couldn't hold a candle to him._

_Itachi: Hn._

"Dude, can't these Uchiha do anything more than grunt disinterestedly?" said Beast Boy.

_Orochimaru: I accept your challenge! DJ! Put in my special mix!_

_As the record scratched for a few seconds before a new beat started pumping through the amplifier, it was a special album designed Orochimaru to play disco music with a beat that best complimented his abilities._

_As Orochimaru started to sway and pulsate with the very essence of disco pouring forth with every move he executed, Itachi activated his sharingan, and began to mirror every move Orochimaru executed. Also thanks to his dark grace and aura of cool indifference, which did nothing to betray the raging madness lurking just beneath the surface (which is beside the point), Itachi started to do even better than Orochimaru._

_Orochimaru: No, it can't be! The most advanced form of the Uchiha power! The Mangekyo Sharingan (Kaleidoscope Copy Wheel Eye),_

"And complete unnecessary translation," interjected Raven dryly.

_ it is impossible! I cannot lose!_

_Itachi: Hn. Looks like you just did from where I'm standing._

_Orochimaru (Falling to his knees in a complete rip-off of Darth Vader from Star Wars): NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!_

"Wow," said Robin. "That was a long no."

"Most likely he is doing the compensating for something, yes?" said Starfire pleasantly, smiling.

Robin blanched. BB and Cy sniggered.

_END FLASHBA- (Deidara: Hey, I'm not done yet, yeah!) (Gomen.)_

"More needless Japanese," muttered Raven.

"Dude. Are you gonna bring that up _every_ time it happens?" Beast Boy.

Raven did not respond.

_Anyway, after Orochimaru cried something about the weasel being too powerful for him to operate properly, Deidara shrugged uncaringly, and opened the door. What she saw scarred her for life._

_Sasori (Looking up from apparently molesting one of his specialty puppets((2))): Yo… hey your cute. Want to have some fun?_

_Deidara: Hommina…da…fe…hoo…**PERVERT!**((3))_

_Deidara then walked out the door, clearly dazed, mumbling something about Sasori's heart and brain not being the only human parts he had left._

Robin's face went green.

"Um, wow," he said. "Okay. That is... a lot more than I needed to know."

_END FLASHBACK_

_Itachi: Oh. I remember now. I totally kicked that guy's ass._

_Deidara: That is beside the point. Go beat some sense into that whale of moron will you._

_Itachi: Why should I?_

_Deidara: If you do I'll (whispers into Itachi's ear.)_

_Itachi (Now flushed with tiny trickle of blood, originating from his nose, crawling down his chin.): YOSH! I SHALL COMPLETE THIS TASK SO I MAY BE PAID!_

"Classy," muttered Raven.

Starfire looked perplexed, though. Then Robin leaned over and whispered something her ear.

"_Oh!_" she squeaked, blushing brightly.

Beast Boy and Cyborg sniggered.

_After Itachi rushes off with his eyes blazing (with the fiery passion of_ YOUTH!),

"Sei-**SHUN! FULL POWER!**" exclaimed Beast Boy facetiously, consciously mimicking Lee/Guy._**  
**_

Raven rolled her eyes. "_Charming_," she muttered dryly.

_ Zetsu suddenly appeared holding, what appeared to be Tobi wearing naught but a pair of briefs and his spinny mask, by the scruff of his neck._

"Hi, Obito," said Cyborg blandly with a wave of a metallic hand.

"Dude," said Beast Boy. "Spoilers!"

"Aw, c'mon," Cy scoffed, rolling his one human eye. "BB, _everyone_ knows that by now."

_Deidara (Laughing nervously because Zetsu is pretty darn scary): Heh, hey Zetsu-sama, heh, what are you doing? Yeah._

_Zetsu (Clearly fuming): I came here to ask how and why you defiled my subordinate!_

_Tobi (Giggling and seeming quite pleased with himself): Hehe, Tobi is a very naughty boy now!_

"Again," drawled Raven. "_Classy._"

Robin coughed nervously, cheeks a little pink.

_Zetsu (Pointing at Tobi in a manner not unlike a lawer points at evidence that incriminates the one they intend to have prosecuted): See? You are the only one Tobi would ever go near!_

_Deidara: Oh that? It was just a clay clone, yeah._

"Ewww," said Beast Boy, making a weird face. "_Nasty_."

"Yeah. And, also, doesn't Deidara's clay, um, **explode?**" added Cyborg.

"That would be a very messy climax, would it not?" said Starfire.

The others looked at Star with mildly shocked, and disturbed, expressions.

_Tobi, upon hearing this, did something you wouldn't expect. He threw himself at Deidara and hugged her middle proclaiming how kind and brilliant she was to send a clone to take care of paying her debts,_

"...what kind of debts would require _that_ kind of payment?" wondered Robin, a little disquieted by the raunchy subject matter.

"It's actually more interesting if you imagine Deidara is just cross-dressing..." added Raven, a faintly mischievous gleam in her eyes.

Cyborg and Beast Boy gagged.

"DUUDE!"

"AW MAN! Now look what you did, Rae!" complained Cyborg, looking a little pale in the face. "Now you've gone and ruined my appetite."

_ and that he is honored to know someone so awe inspiring._

_Deidara: Yeah, yeah. Can you let go of me now? Yeah. I need to take care of any associates or people who would notice the prisoner's disappearance, yeah. We cannot afford any loose ends._

_(Now let us see how the others are faring.)_

_Gai: OH LEE!_

"Oh, come. ON!" groaned Beast Boy. "He is SO overusing this joke. It's not even funny anymore!"

"Was it ever to be begin with?" retorted Raven wryly.

"Maybe," said Beast Boy, shrugging. "I got a bit of a laugh when it first appeared in the anime..."

"I say that was the last good arc in the show," interjected Cyborg.

"Why do you watch it, then?" rejoined Beast Boy.

"Morbid curiosity, mainly," was Cyborg's response.

_Lee: GAI-SENSEI!_

_(Awkward. Let us try with team 7.)_

_Sasuke: Oh, Sakura I love you. But I cannot take the risk of my brother killing you!_

_Sakura (Crying her eyes out.): Oh, Sasuke-kun._

"Oooh! I love the romantic confessions!" squealed Starfire. "Do you not also enjoy such stories, friend Raven?"

"**No.**"

"Awww..."

_(Hey! Where is Naruto…hmm… AH! I know! At his house)_

_'Camera' shows the outside of Naruto's house. All of a sudden there is a crashing noise._

_Naruto's Voice (You don't see him, you just hear his voice.): ACK! Gomen Hinata-chan! Did I hurt you?_

_Hinata's Voice: No, Naruto-kun I'm okay. But… I… TAKE ME NOW!_

"How many sex jokes was that in this one chapter?" wondered Beast Boy.

"Far too many," said Robin, looking distinctly perturbed.

_(Okay. Mental images. I'll just leave it here.)_

"Yes," said Raven. "Please. Just end it now."

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_EF9: Wow… that was long._

_Kyuubi: Yeah. Almost four pages on Microsoft Word._

"That's **long?**" said Cyborg disbelievingly.

"Talk about underachievers," remarked Beast Boy.

_EF9: Well… review and I will send you a nice, encouraging message!_

_Kyuubi: I just have one question, what were you on while you wrote this?_

_EF9:Many things._

_TTFN_

"Ta-ta for now," said Raven dryly. "Was that his first use of it?"

"Maybe?" said Beast Boy. "Darned if I know."

_EF9: Well, here is the second chapter of Another Saturday._

_Kyuubi: Yes, here is the second chapter of Another Saturday._

"Wait, second?" said Robin. "Then what was that thing before? Some kind of four-page interstitial?"

"So not only can he not write," remarked Raven, "but he can't _count_ either."

_Kyuubi: Yes, yes, we know what you're thinking, 'What about Naruto: Champion Tournament?'_

"What's that?" said Starfire.

"A fic that'll be getting a 'guest-star' reviewer, from what I hear," Cyborg said.

_EF9: I didn't get enough votes so I cannot continue it yet. Plus I've this idea for a couple of days now._

_Kyuubi: Now before we start, remember._

_EF9: I own nothing._

"'_Not even the jokes_,'" snarked Raven.

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_The Akastuki were frustrated. First, Itachi kidnaps a random leaf-nin, now AL-sama says that they must avoid suspicion at all costs, even if it means acting like humanitarians._

_Kisame: I can't believe that we have to work at the soup kitchen._

"Hey, that actually sounds like an interesting, original idea," said Beast Boy. "The Akatsuki working in a soup kitchen. That seems like it's something you could use for lots of great jokes."

"So of course it only appears in this chapter, and only touches on the driest and weakest sources of humor to be found from the setting," remarked Cyborg.

"What a waste," said Raven sarcastically.

_Sasori: Well, if we wish to capture the remaining demons, we kind of need to stay alive._

_Deidara: Besides we can always recruit some hobos, yeah._

_Kisame: Why hobos?_

"Because apparently the author thinks that adding hobos to something will automatically make it funny?" ventured Robin a touch bitterly.

_Deidara: Because, hobos are cunning people who manage to cripple civilization just by being lazy, yeah._

_Sasori: Plus, they will do just about anything for a square meal._

"Or that," said Cyborg.

_As they were talking, Zetsu came back out, and told everyone that their tasks would be listed on the duty roster. So they went in and checked the piece of paper that would decide their fate._

_Itachi (Facing the wrong way): What am I signed up for._

"A blindness joke," drawled Raven. "That's some of the author's best material."

"And he forgot the mark of questioning," added Starfire. "Did he not?"

_Kisame (Sighing about having to read for Itachi): You are cooking the soup. (To Zetsu) Are you sure that's a good idea?_

_Zetsu: Don't worry Tobi will be helping._

_Tobi: Tobi's a good boy!_

"'_Beam me up Scotty,_'" said Beast Boy doing a William Shatner impression.

"Man, you are going to _die_ a geek," said Cyborg. "You know that, right?"

_Deidara (Frowning): Hey, master, yeah._

_Sasori: Yes?_

_Deidara: What is 'KP'? Yeah._

"Might it stand for the initial letters in _Kim Possible__?_" suggested Starfire.

Beast Boy drooled a little, a dreamy expression on his face. Raven and Cyborg smacked him on the back of the head.

"She's Disney property, BB," said Cy. "You couldn't touch her with a ten foot pole."

"Yeah?" said the changeling. "Well, I'd be happy to test that theory of yours, dude... OW!"

Raven smacked on the back of the head, again.

_Sasori: Sigh. 'KP' stands for Kitchen Patrol. You will be washing dishes._

_Deidara: Oh, so does 'SOB' stand for sweeping out bathrooms?_

_Sasori: What? Let me see. (Scans list to see that 'SOB' is written after his name.) It better. (Stalks off to give the director a piece of his mind.)_

Beast Boy laughed.

Cy side-eyed him. "That might've been funny, with a little better execution."

"You'd need a lot more than just a little," said Robin.

_Kisame comes storming out of the kitchen, brandishing Samehada like there is no tomorrow._

_Kisame: Shark. Fin. Soup. SHARK FIN SOOOOUUUUUUUUP!_

"Ahh, that is a delicacy on your planet, is it not?" said Starfire, clapping her hands together.

"In the East, at least," said Robin.

_Tenten: What's his problem?_

_Itachi (Talking to a wall behind him): Kisame considers it a cardinal sin to eat anything made from sharks._

_Neji: … Freak._

"That's a bit of the pot calling the kettle black, innit?" drawled Cyborg.

_Kisame (Turns around to see team Gai in frilly green aprons reading 'Kiss Me For I Am The Youthful Cook Of This Youthful meal… YOUTH!):_

"Wow," said Beast Boy. "That's a lot of Youth."

_(pointing a finger at Gai) You!_

_Gai (Rubbing his chin as if in thought): Hmm… do I know you?_

"Oh, look!" said Cyborg. "An actually kind of funny joke from the original series! How do you wanna bet the author screws it up?"

_Kisame (Going all twitchy with a blue anime background): You… don't (sniff) remember me?_

_Gai: No I don't. Why? Should I know you?_

_Kisame (Crying waterfall tears): WAAH! Nobody remembers me! (Sniff)_

"Heh, that's actually kind of funny!" said Beast Boy.

Raven rolled her eyes.

_Itachi: Please forgive him. He is insane._

_Neji: I understand. Gai-sensei is insane also. (Gai runs past foaming at the mouth.) So is Rock Lee (Lee runs past also foaming at the mouth and shouting 'YOUTH!'), and Tenten (Tenten runs past wielding a big-ass shuriken shouting 'STAND STILL SO I CAN KILL YOU!')_

"I would do the same thing in her situation," said Robin.

The others looked at their leader nervously.

"...what?"

_Hinata suddenly appears with Naruto, both of them dressed up (which means Hinata had a skirt on and no jacket, and Naruto was wearing his black tank top with a belt fastening his jumpsuit-pants.)_

"...THAT is what the author calls 'dressed up'?" said Raven.

"He must not have a very good sense of the fashion," added Starfire.

_Neji (Stares at Hinata for a full minute, then emits a war cry): DIE YOU BITCH! YOU KILLED MY FA-_

_Neji then collapsed showing three colorful darts sticking out of his but. Gai, Lee, and Tenten step over his twitching body, all three of them decked out in khaki hunter outfits._

"Hey, look," said Cyborg. "Another joke that's actually almost funny."

"It seems like there are more of those as time passes," mused Robin.

_Gai (Hefting Neji over his shoulder): You'll have to pardon him, he's insane._

Raven snickered.

The others stared at her.

"...what?" she said. "That is actually a cleverly ironic line which directly contrasts with the initial set up and thus also the expectations of the audience. It's the textbook definition of humor."

"Dude, I think you might be giving the author a little too much credit there," said Beast Boy, eyeing Raven a little suspiciously.

_Itachi: Don't they have therapists for that?_

_Gai: Well…_

_FLASHBACK_

_Neji: Diiieeee!_

_Random Therapist: AAAAHHHHHH!_

_END FLASHBACK_

_Gai: It didn't work out for him._

"Look, he did a Family Guy," remarked Cyborg.

"Another almost funny joke," added Robin. "Now if only it were written in something other than script format..."

_Itachi: I see._

"Said the blind man to the deaf one," giggled Starfire.

_Rock Lee (To Naruto): Hey, Naruto-kun, what are you and Hinata-san doing here?_

"I don't think you really need the _(To Naruto)_ there..." remarked Raven.

"Nah, I think it's TOTALLY essential to the plot," said Beast Boy with a sarcastic grin.

_Hinata: Well, Lee-san, we are on a date, and this is the only place besides Ichiraku Ramen Bar that will serve Naruto-kun. **Inner Hinata: Yeah! They will all die for what they did to MY Naruto-kun! HELL YEAH!**_

"..." said Robin.

"..." said Starfire. "I do not understand..."

"That's normal," said Cyborg. "Means you're still sane."

"Oh."

_Naruto: Yeah, and Gama-chan is empty so we had to come here._

_Hinata: Yes, and we have to wait for any news on the whereabouts of Shino._

_Team Gai: SHINO'S MISSING!_

Raven quirked a single eyebrow. "Was that supposed to be a confirmation of what Hinata said, or just an exclamation of disbelief?"

"I don't think the author'd figured out that 'hyphen between question and exclamation marks' trick yet," said Cyborg.

"You mean like **THIS?-!** Or maybe **THIS!-?**" said Beast Boy.

"Yeah," said Cyborg. "Though now the site does actually support just the exclamation and question marks together. Like **THIS!?** Or **THIS?!** Still can't double up on the same ones, though."

"_The times, they be a-changin'_," drawled Beast Boy in a cowboy accent.

_Itachi: Uh, hey. This Shino guy, would he be a bug using leaf-nin, about so high, sunglasses, high collar, and a freaky 'fro?_

_Naruto: Yeah. Do you know where he is?_

_Itachi (Looking shifty-eyed): Uh… nope. Never heard of him._

"_'Which is exactly why I was able to describe him so precisely,'_" said Robin dryly.

_Naruto (Looking downcast): Oh, well that sucks, dattebayo._

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_EF9: There you go please review._

_Kyuubi: Reviewers will be thanked in the next chapter!_

_TTFN!_

"There goes the third chapter," muttered Cyborg.

"Don't you mean the _second_ one?" said Starfire.

Cyborg grumbled irritably.

_EF9: Well, here is chappie four of Another Saturday!_

_Kyuubi: Yes, although we didn't get any reviews for chapter three, we are still going to update in the hopes that people will review._

"Talk about begging for reviews," said Beast Boy.

_DEF666: You are pathetic._

"I agree wholeheartedly," Raven said.

_EF9: That may be so, but I don't own Naruto. (Cool, a rhyme!)_

_'Yo': thinking_

"Wow, a _'thinking-versus-dialogue'_ legend?" said Cyborg. "Now **there** is something you almost NEVER see in good fanfiction."

"Like disclaimers?" suggested Beast Boy.

"Ehhh, that was more like something that was really big for a while, then kinda just died out among most writers. Like pet rocks."

"Not like your average fanfiction disclaimer would hold up in any real court, anyways," added Robin.

_(((-)))_

_Itachi carefully snuck away from the disappointed fox-boy. He then quickly went over to the leader._

_Itachi (Looking nervous): AL-sama, the kyuubi-gaki (nine-tail brat)_

"More needless translations," muttered Raven.

_ is friends with the container of the no-tailed beetle!_

_AL: Well._

_Itachi (Having recovered his stoic front): Well, what?_

_AL: Well, are you going to capture him or not?_

"That IS a good question," said Cyborg. "Ain't you gonna do your job, man?"

_Having overheard the conversation, Kisame decides to put his monopoly-cent into the discussion._

_Kisame: But what about the others? They appear to be friends with the boy._

_AL: Abduct them as well._

"_'It is not like this can POSSIBLY backfire on us, oh no!'_" said Starfire. "_'Not after we had made so much fussing over the keeping of low profiles._'"

Then she giggled.

"Hee hee~❤ That _i__s_ fun!" she chirped.

The others sweatdropped.

_Deidara: I can get the hoboes to hold them down._

_AL: Good, that will make our job that much easier._

"So the highly trained, elite criminal ninjas need malnourished civilian homeless to hold down their targets for them?" said Raven dryly.

"Seems legit," concluded Beast Boy facetiously.

_The other Akatsuki members: Okay._

_It happened in a couple seconds. Naruto, Hinata, Neji, Lee, Tenten, and Gai, didn't stand a chance against the crazed homeless people. (No offense to homeless people, there is just something about hoboes that makes them scary.)_

"He can't even spell the plural of hobos right, and he thinks that using them will make this funny?" muttered Robin.

"This stuff is hit-and-miss at best," remarked Cyborg.

_(A couple hours later in the Akatsuki head quarters)_

_Tenten woke up first, she noticed that they, meaning Naruto, Neji, Hinata, Gai, Lee, and herself, were unarmed. She observed the room they were in, it made Naruto's place seem like a palace._

"That's nothing," drawled Raven. "You should see Beast Boy's room."

The changeling stuck his tongue out at her.

_Peering through the darkness, she spotted a light switch._

_Tenten: 'I better turn on the light. Then I'll be able to get a better idea of what this place looks like.'_

_So Tenten turned on the light. The sudden flash of illumination caused the others to wake up._

"There's a light switch in their prison?" said Robin. "That DOES seem pretty extravagant."

_Hinata: Meep!_

_Naruto: Sniffle growl groan._

_Neji: Hn._

"Oh, no!" exclaimed Cyborg facetiously. "The disinterested-grunt-itis is _spreading!_"

"It's already too late for Neji," said Beast Boy, donning surgical gloves. "Our only hope is to amputate before it can spread any further." He pulled out a medieval battleaxe from somewhere; there were ominous dark reddish-brown stains on the still-quite-sharp edge.

_Lee: Yawn! That was an excellent nap! I am feeling absolutely rejuvenated! In fact, I am going to start training with Gai-sensei right awa-AUGHHH! Gai-sensei! What happened to your youthful face?-!_

_Gai (Trying to hide his five of the clock shadow slightly wrinkled face): LEE! I am so sorry you have to see me like this. But… it is time I tell you… Lee… I… Gai Maito… am…am… I AM OOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLDDDD!_

"If you can call be in your mid-to-late twenties **old**," said Robin.

_Lee (looking like it's the end of the world): No…it… it cannot be… (Suddenly with a new determination on his face) Do not worry, Gai-sensei, I will help you restore your youthful looks!_

_Gai: OH LEE!_

"Oh, not _again_," groaned Raven irritably. "How many times is he going to use this same tired joke?"

_Lee: GAI-SENSEI!_

_Gai: LE-OW!_

_Standing over Gai's once agein unconscious form was a fuming Tenten armed with a pink rubber hammer._

"**Thank you**," said Raven, looking sincerely grateful.

_Tenten: Shut up! We need to focus so we can find out where we are!_

_: I can tell you where you are…_

"_'I am so mysterious I don't even have a name in the stage directions,'_" drawled Cyborg. "_'Just a blank space with nothing.'_"

"Much like the contents of the writer's skull," remarked Raven.

Beast Boy sniggered. Starfire giggled.

_(((-)))_

_EF9: Oooh! Who is the mystery voice? Find out next time._

_Kyuubi: And remember. The more reviews, the faster he updates._

"Will he stop updating if he gets NO reviews?" wondered Starfire, sounding genuinely curious.

"No," replied Robin. "He'll just update again to beg some more."

Cyborg snorted.

_TTFN!_

_EF9: I interrupt the story you are reading for an important message. Kyuubi._

"Is it that you're discontinuing it?" inquired Beast Boy. "'Cause that would be _great_."

_Kyuubi: Yes it has come to our attention that yaoi, shonen-ai, slash, or whatever you call serious gay pairings, in fanfiction, have increased in popularity at an alarming rate._

"...oh, cripes. I know what this is," said Cyborg, sighing in exasperation.

"The author whining about pairings he doesn't like?" guessed Raven.

"More or less," said Beast Boy, looking he wanted to just skip right over this part.

_DEF666: Yes, nothing personal against any rabid yaoi obsessed fan girls, but we straight, semi-decent_

"That's a laugh," Robin deadpanned.

_ frequentors of fan fiction dot net, have found it increasingly frustrating how much yaoi there is._

"Maybe for _you_," said Raven testily.

"Well, he did actually write some BL, eventually..." said Beast Boy.

"Yeah, after like seven years on the site," added Cyborg.

_EF9: So we, meaning myself and my muses, have decided that those of us who find boy boy, and the almost nonexistent girl girl, stories distasteful, should stay together, and form a banner under which we can march against yaoi, yuri, and mary-sues._

"What is a _mary-sue?_" Starfire wondered.

Robin made a face. "Consider yourself lucky not to know."

"Kinda hypocritical of him decrying yuri, though, all things considered..." mused Cyborg.

"Yes, like hypocrisy is anything new to your average straight, white male," drawled Raven, rolling her eyes.

_Kyuubi: We call it the Anti-Yaoi Yuri and Mary-Sue Corps (meaning we oppose yaoi yuri and mary-sues)_

_DEF666: Although the main subject of this message is Yaoi, the AYYMSC, oppose the three banes of fan fiction._

_EF9: So to join my organization, you must pm me and tell me which you wish to oppose: yaoi yuri or mary-sues, you don't have to choose just one, and I will write down your name under membership on my profile._

"Man, how long did that organization thing last?" Beast Boy wondered.

"Well, he didn't _officially_ bury it until just this year," remarked Cyborg. "But it was basically comatose even for years before that."

_Kyuubi: And if you may, members of the organization, could you spread the word about the revolution, and suggest joining._

_DEF666: And don't forget to bash what you submit yourself as opposing._

_All: That is all._

_Note: I am serious about this, check my profile if your not sure, although it only mentions yaoi._

"Noting also that his profile now contains none of this," added Starfire, as cheerfully as ever.

_EF9: Here is the next chapter of Another Saturday!_

_Kyuubi: Yeah, and after this chapter it's going to be one or two more chapters until the story is over._

"Wow. It seems like it just _flew _by," said Raven sarcastically.

"That's only because commenting drags it out, though," said Robin.

_DEF666: So now here is the continuation of the story from chapter four._

* * *

_: You are in the Akatsuki hide out… they have kidnapped us._

"When in the timeline is this even supposed to take place?" wondered Beast Boy. "Pre-time skip none of them would even know what the Akatsuki was, and post time skip... well, let's just say that Sasuke STILL hasn't set foot in the Leaf since leaving with the Sound Four."

"Wow. That is a LONG time," said Cyborg.

"Yeah. That's, like, most of the series, by now."

_Naruto (Looking curious): Wait! Who are you? You sound familiar…_

_: I should think so… for I am…Shino._

"...am I the only one who finds that to be a slightly underwhelming reveal?" wondered Robin aloud.

The others shook their heads.

_Neji: Shino!-? What the hell are you doing in the Akatsuki hide out._

_Shino: … They kidnapped me._

"_'You guys didn't do a very good job of that "search and rescue" stuff, did you?'_" said Cyborg, imitating Shino.

_Hinata: But… Shino, why would they do a thing like that?_

"Because they are idiots," was the general sentiment voiced by the Teen Titans.

_Shino: One of their members believes I house a 'no-tailed beetle demon'._

_Neji: …_

_Gai: WHY WOULD THEY THINK A THING LIKE THAT?-!_

_Shino: … Because they are morons._

"The plot of this story in a nutshell," muttered Raven.

_Tenten: Sooo… how do we escape?_

"Well, gee," said Cyborg sarcastically. "It's not like half of you have attacks that can easily bend metal or break through solid rock or anything!"

_As if in answer to Tenten's question, a chunk of the ceiling fell down, followed by a man with long dark hair, black jacket, and sunglasses, leaping to the ground._

_(Feel free to listen to or hum the song 'Secret Agent Man' during this part)_

"_Secret Ageeent Maaan~_" began Beast Boy, only for Raven to telekinetically smack him on the back of the head.

"**Don't**."

_Neji: No way…_

_Hinata: We are saved!_

_Lee (feeling left out): Who is that?_

_Everyone in the room except Lee and Shino (Because Shino is too cool to talk when someone else can do it for him, why else do you think Kiba would be his best friend.): He is the Hyuuga secret service._

"Wait. How would someone like Naruto know that?" wondered Starfire. "Is he not the _idiot_, as they say on earth?"

"Random inexplicable plot knowledge," said Cyborg blandly.

_Yes the Hyuuga secret service. A division of the branch house devoted to defending the Hyuuga heir or heiress. We shall call him… Bob._

_Bob: You better hurry, Hiashi has been called here, and he has bought with him every able-bodied Hyuuga to aid your escape._

_A loud explosion is heard in the background, followed by the clamor of combat._

_Bob: Quickly, come with me if you want to live!_

"GET TO DAH CHOPPA!" shouted Beast Boy.

Cyborg snickered, and Robin sighed. Star giggled, and Rae simply shook her head in exasperation.

_Gai: I shall stay behind and aid the fighting forces!_

_Lee: I cannot abandon Gai-sensei here, so I too shall fight!_

_Neji: Okay see you! (Tries to run off but is stopped by Tenten grabbing his ear.)_

_Tenten: Oh no you don't! You are staying right here, and you are going to help, mister!_

"That's another line that would _almost_ be funny," commented Robin.

"It has been a while since we have seen one of those, has it not?" remarked Starfire.

_Neji (Rolling his eyes): Yes Mom._

_Tenten (Smacking Neji): Don't you get snippy with me!_

_Naruto: Well I'm going to stay and fight! Nobody touches my Hinata-chan and gets away with it. (Eyes become red and slitted, and his voices deepens dramatically) **Let's go.**_

"And is that supposed to be dramatic?" said Raven dryly. "_Wow._"

_Hinata: Naruto-kun… (She gets a determined look on her face) No I am going to stay and help you… I promised myself I would never run away again… and I won't!_

_Naruto (Getting one of his confident smiles): **Okay** **if you think you can handle it.**_

_Hinata: Don't worry Naruto-kun I can handle it. (Smiles evilly)_

"Again with the weirdly out of character behavior from Hinata," commented Beast Boy.

"I can't wait for this script phase to be over with so WE can use script format for our comments..." said Cyborg.

"We won't get to," said Robin, glancing at the script. "Or will the next few groups after us."

"Heh, I almost pity them..." mused Raven.

"Why?" said Starfire. "Has this not been an enjoyable experience of the bonding?"

Nobody answered her.

_Bob (Sweat drops): Okay… I guess I'm not needed here… (In an offhanded manner) Huh… I wonder if Hiashi-sama needs any help… (Stops himself) What the hell am I saying? He's Hiashi! … Meh… I wonder if they still show 'I Love Lucy'?_

"What a... reference," said Beast Boy.

* * *

_EF9: Well, there's this chapter of 'Another Saturday'._

_Kyuubi: Next chapter is the exciting conclusion!_

"I highly doubt that," said Cyborg.

"What, the exciting part, or the conclusion part?" inquired Robin.

"Either or," was Cy's only response.

_ Drama, romance, action, comedy at the most inappropriate of times!_

"The only accurate one," drawled Raven.

_ And poorly written fight scenes! The last one is sure to be there!_

"...well, _almost_ the only one," corrected Beast Boy.

_DEF666: Sigh… Remember to review._

_TTFN!_

_EF9: Here is the final chapter of Another Saturday! I am sorry, but since I am on vacation, I will not be able to review or update much, however I have decided to take this time to wrap this story up._

"Oh, I remember this!" said Beast Boy. "The author typed this chapter up on the road in his dad's semi truck."

"Really?" said Starfire. "How do you know this?"

"Seriously dude?" said Beast Boy. "He IS the one writing all of this. Of course I'd remember that."

"This is getting a little meta for my tastes," remarked Raven.

_Kyuubi: He is mainly doing this so he can focus on Naruto: Champion Tournament._

_DEF666: I'll be doing the disclaimer for this chapter. If EF9 owned Naruto, Naruto would not be so slow. Physically, not mentally._

"Huh. That... would be a rather odd thing to change, actually," said Robin.

_The cave door busted down, revealing a squad of Hyuugas._

_AL: Huh? Oh great, look who is here to save the prisoners._

"_'Mild surprise. Oh no. Whatever will we do?'_" said Cyborg.

_Hiashi: I will not stand for ruffians like you kidnapping my daughter, and heiress of the Hyuuga clan. Now, prepare to defend yourselves!_

_Itachi: You know too much. We cannot allow you to leave._

"Two plus two equals FOUR?" said Beast Boy. "HERESY!"

_At that, the Akatsuki, attacked. The Hyuugas fought valiantly, and managed to bring down Kisame, Tobi, Kakuzu, and Hidan._

"Really?" said Starfire. "How?"

"That is a very good question," said Raven a little wryly.

"No doubt they gave 'em the stink-eye until they folded," said Cyborg, snickering.

_ However the remaining Akatsuki were too much for the already weakened Hyuuga forces. Soon, only Itachi, Deidara, and Hiashi, were left fighting._

"That is a preposterously unbalanced match up," observed Robin.

_Hiashi: Prepare to defend yourselves!_

"_'I am repeating myself!'_" Beast Boy mocked.

_Deidara: NEVAH! ... yeah._

_Itachi: Hn._

"I think I've met _mimes_ who talk more than this guy," remarked Cyborg.

_Itachi formed the proper handseals and blasted Hiashi with a fireball the size of an suv. Then Deidara walked up to Hiashi and whacked him with a purse._

"...what an _impressive_ finishing move," said Raven sarcastically.

_Itachi (Raising an eyebrow at Deidara.): What was that?_

_Deidara: My secret weapon! (Opens purse to reveal bricks.)_

_Itachi (Looking at the bricks.): Do they explode?_

_Deidara: Maaayyybeee... yeah._

"And yet you swing them around at arm's length?" said Starfire confusedly.

"Looks like we ourselves have a future Darwin Award winner," muttered Robin dryly.

_Itachi: Twitch twitchy twitchitty twitch. (A/N: Sorry.)_

"You should be," said Raven.

_ Why do you always say 'yeah'?_

_Deidara: 'Cause I do! Yeah._

_Itachi (Foaming at the mouth.): STOP SAYING 'YEAH'!_

_Deidara: No, yeah._

_Itachi: GAH! I KILL YOU! (Proceeds to chase Deidara around attempting to strangle her.)_

"Dude," said Beast Boy. "Take a chill pill."

"And if you don't have that, try a chill lozenge," suggested Cyborg.

_Now apparently, Kisame chose that time to regain conciousness._

"Because of course people can just CHOOSE when they want to do that," said Robin sarcastically.

_Kisame (Looking at Deidara suspiciously): What did you do now?_

_Deidara: Your partner is a psychopath! Yeah!_

_Kisame: What else is new?_

_Deidara: Well... on 'All My Ninjas', Jordan is cheating on Christie._

_Kisame(Looking astonished): No way! I thought he loved her!_

_Deidara (Patting Kisame on the back comfortingly): We all thought that._

_Then, in a freak concidence, the door fell on Kisame, knocking him out._

"Wow, that was one convenient accident, hmm?" mused Cyborg.

"Aww, I wanted to hear more about Jordan doing the cheat on Christie..." Starfire pouted.

_ In the clearing dust stood: Naruto, Hinata, Lee, Neji, Tenten, Shino, Gai, and Bob._

"One of these things is not like the other," said Raven.

"One of these things just doesn't belooooong~!" sang BB.

_Naruto (Looking relieved): Oh good! We knocked down the right door! (Turning to Hinata) See? I told we didn't need to stop and ask for directions!_

_Hinata (Looking exasperated): Naruto, you knocked down three doors before we got to this one._

"There's a joke to be made here about Naruto not knowing where to find the right entrance, but heck if I can think of it," said Cyborg.

_Neji: It was destined that we knock down those doors._

_Lee: Yes, we should be grateful that the power of youth led us to this door!_

_Gai: Sniffle. Oh Lee! You have blossomed in the power of youth!_

_(A/N: You know the drill.)_

"How many times has he done this joke in this story?" wondered Robin.

"At least once for every thousand words, it feels like," answered Starfire.

_Lee: Gai-sensei!_

_Gai: Lee!_

_So thus, Gai and Lee hugged like there was no tomorrow, but you didn't come here to see that, now did you?_

"I know **I** didn't," said Beast Boy, "but I can't speak for Cy."

This comment earned him a titanium fist to the side of his head.

_Tenten: Don't worry Hinata, they're men._

"Because that obviously explains _everything_," drawled Raven.

_Hinata (Looking at Naruto hungrily): Oh yeah!_

_Tenten: Eeeewwwww! TMI!_

_Hinata: Will you shut up if I give you the statistics from Neji-niisan's last check up?_

_Tenten: Yes!_

"Aaaannnd it just _wouldn't_ be complete without MORE bad sex jokes," muttered Robin.

_Hinata: Here._

_Hinata reached into her wallet, only to find herself face-to-face with a curious looking Naruto._

_Naruto: Watcha doin'?_

_Hinata (Looking comically shifty-eyed): Nothing!_

"_'I'm certainly not selling private details about my own flesh and blood just to make Tenten here shut up about me peeping on you!'_" went Beast Boy.

_Naruto: Oh. Well... your dad's unconcious, Lee and Gai are hugging, Shino is acting like a tree((1)), and two of the people who abducted us are attacking._

"That last one might be kind of important," said Cyborg.

_And indeed they were. Itachi had gotten Bob upside the head with a swift uppercut, and then proceeded to torch the surroundings with liberal use of his Katon techniques, while Deidara had blown up Gai and Lee with a clay spider._

_Neji: It is fated that you die this day._

_Itachi: A Hyuuga could never beat an Uchiha!_

_Tenten: Well Neji is one of the best rookies to come out of Konoha, and you are exhausted from the previous fight. You will not come out of this alive!_

"Yyyyeaaaah, I dunno..." muttered Beast Boy. "That still seems like a match up in Itachi's favor."

_Itachi: As long as we manage to obtain the no-tailed beetle and the nine-tailed fox, it does not matter what happens to me._

_Everything stops and you hear a record scratching._

"I do not hear this scratching record," said Starfire. "Do you, friend Raven?"

"No I do not," answered Raven dryly.

_Naruto: Okay, this is ridiculous, there is no such thing as a no-tailed beetle demon._

_Itachi (Looking confused): There... isn't?_

"Well, I bet he definitely feels like an idiot now after ordering all of those '_We ❤ the No-tailed Beetle Demon_' shirts," commented Robin.

_Naruto: No. No there isn't._

_Itachi: Hoo boy... this is embarrassing. Okay, how about we let you go, and nobody ever speaks of this again._

_Naruto: Throw in a 'Jutsus R Us' gift-card, and we'll call it even._

"_'And not one of those cheap five dollar ones, either,'_" said Cyborg.

_Itachi: Deal._

_So, in the end it was neither courage, nor valor that won the day, but rather... Naruto's common sense?_

"I know!" said Beast Boy. "I couldn't believe it either."

_ ... That is ridiculous! Who writes this trash? ... Wait, what? I write it? ... Weeellll, this is awkward... tell ya what, I'll throw in a quick omake to compensate for the weak story-line._

"I highly doubt anything **you** can write could actually make up for that _trainwreck_," muttered Raven.

_Omake_

_It was the Sunday morning after all the insanity, and Hinata was going on a leisurely walk when she was stopped by a Shino-y looking Shino._

"As opposed to a Kiba-esque looking one," said Cyborg.

_Shino: Did you ever tell Kiba that you guys found me?_

_Hinata (Putting one arm across her chest and scratching her chin in a classic thinking pose): ... No, I didn't. Why? Did he die of a heart attack when he saw you?_

_Hinata giggled at her joke,_

"Dude, when did Hinata get so MORBID?" wondered Beast Boy.

_ and Shino waited patiently for her to stop. He's pretty good at that, being best friends with Kiba. When Hinata stopped giggling he responded in his usual stoic, holier-than-thou tone._

_Shino: No. He didn't notice me. He was too busy leading a search party, consisting of dogs that he 'liberated' from the pound._

"I remember when Beast Boy did that, one time..." muttered Robin. "Those fines were ridiculous..."

"Well, BB _did_ keep turning into a snake or a mouse to just slip through the bars," Cyborg interjected. "He made, what, eight escape attempts before we came to bail him out?"

"Something like that..." grumbled Robin peevishly, shooting a pointed look at a suitably sheepish-looking Beast Boy.

_Hinata: Yeah, exactly the kind of thing Kiba would do to find a lost team-mate._

_As she said that, Kiba ran past, along with a small army of stray dogs. It seems the dog catcher wasn't too happy about Kiba breaking into his pound for the fourth time that month, and decided that Kiba needed to be neutered._

"The jumble verb tenses in this are really annoying me," said Raven.

_Kiba: OH! HI SHINO! SINCE YOU'RE BACK, WOULD YA MIND HELPING ME GET RID OF THESE DOG CATCHERS?_

_Shino: No... I would rather see you suffer for your stupidity._

"A sentiment I understand wholeheartedly," said Raven again, eyeing Beast Boy.

"What?" said the changeling, sounding harried.

_EF9: Oh Shino! Well that wraps up Another Saturday!_

_Kyuubi: Yeah, now you can focus on Naruto: Champion Tournament._

"I'm just glad WE won't have to review that," said Robin.

"I am sorry we cannot do more of this..." said Starfire sadly.

"Yeah, Star," said Cy. "I think you might be the only one who feels like that."

_EF9: Yes, that is true... as soon as I choose the challenger from the vote I have gotten! Yeah, just so you know, it hurts my feelings when you don't review my stories._

"Man, though," murmured Beast Boy, "I feel TIRED. Those commentaries take a lot out of you."

"Yes, I imagine it must be hard for you to be consistently that witty," said Raven sarcastically. Although Beast Boy seemed to miss that and take her words at face value.

"Gee, thanks, Rae!" he said, beaming.

The empath scowled at him.

...her cheeks were just a touch pink, though.

_DEF666: So cheer him up by leaving a nice review. It's the only way he will update on time._

_((1)): I borrowed this from Link and Luigi's story 'Calendar'._

"And wrapping it all up with more stolen jokes," mused Cyborg. "That almost seems fitting."

_TTFN!_

* * *

A/N: Some characters are a lot better for doing scathing commentary than others. Starfire is not one of those characters.

**Updated: **1-28-14

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


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